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Why do women get orgasms?

The purpose of sex is creating a pregnancy, right? And women do not have to orgasm to get pregnant. So why do women get orgasms at all?

There are two opposing theories about this. There’s not much fun about the first one – now you’ve been warned. But stick around anyway, the second one is much more exciting.

The first theory: Women’s orgasm is just a leftover from evolution. It’s a superfluous feature that has no function in relation to our survival. Such features tend to disappear over time, so in the course of a million years or so, women will not get orgasms at all. Men’s nipples, which are of no practical use, will also disappear. (Barbie’s Ken taking the lead. Absolutely no nonsense there.)

A good lover is a good man

The opponents to this theory (the fun starts now!) believe that pleasure and orgasm help women distinguish between good and inferior partners. A woman can only have a limited number of children, and every one of them is an enormous investment of her physical and psychological resources. And how a man behaves during sex may be an indicator of how he would be as a father. Is he a wham-bam thank you mam type, who only thinks about his own needs when he has sex? Or is he the type who enjoys the play, the courting and teasing and touching, and understands that his penis is not going anywhere until it’s invited? This may actually show if he’s willing to put his own needs aside to provide food and protection for the woman and her (and his) baby. Maybe this is why women in general take a longer time to orgasm than men. It gives the man a chance to show his worth, and the woman a chance to separate the wheat from the chaff.

We want sex for the pleasure

In my opinion, believing that female orgasm is an evolutionary leftover is reducing sex to something that only exists to make babies. And what’s worse, it’s also reducing women to passive recipients of men’s sexual exploits (likes of Harvey Weinstein, you know?). This goes with a picture of “natural sex” as a stone age man grabbing a woman by her hair, pulling her off to the nearest cave, where he throws herself on top of her end impregnates her, the intercourse lasting about 45 secs. And what the stone age woman may think of that is unimportant.

If you believe that enjoying sex is just a necessity for men and not for women, consider the anatomy. You will get a huge explanation problem. Because the only part on the human body that is only there for the sake of pleasure is the clitoris. And it’s located on women.

No, in my opinion female orgasm is no evolutionary residue, but a crucial feature of our sexuality. The woman’s orgasm shows that her partner has been out of his way to make her happy. And then there is a greater chance that the partner is also a good life companion in other areas.

(Bonus info: Men’s nipples are strong erogenic zones, so let’s hope they don’t disappear.)

 

Too dangerous for Facebook!

I have written a couple of books about sex. Last Christmas, I wanted to advertise on Facebook for my first book, Sex after 50. I had done that a year before and sold a good deal, and I wanted to repeat the success.

Things didn’t really turn out as expected. This is what happened, in a slightly dramatized version:

 

I start the proces.

– Dear Facebook, I would like to buy an ad for my book.

Facebook answers as promptly as any energetic seller would.

– Of course. Thanks for reaching out! Who would you like to target?

– Men and women over 35. In Denmark. And, well, let’s include Norway too.

– That’s awesome! And what’s your budget? 539 kr (about §90) a day?

– Hm. That’s a little more than I had in mind. Let’s say 50 kr a day for 10 days.

– OK then. Well, it may generate a few clicks, of course. We’re here to help you promote your homepage and sell your book! What’s the title?

– It’s “Sex after 50”.

 

A little red light starts blinking on the screen.

 

– Your promotion may not be accepted. Please read our Advertising Policies.

I click on the link and read. It says:

 

Policy

Ads are not allowed to promote sale or use of adult products or -services, except for family planning and contraception. Ads for contraception must focus on the contraceptive properties of the product and not on sexual pleasure or performance-enhancing effect, and they must be targeted people over 18.

 

A little later, I receive a mail from the censorship department at Facebook.

– Your ad has not been approved. There is adult content, which is forbidden.

– Oh come on Facebook, that is a misunderstanding! My book is very decent, there are no pictures, no porn, nothing that can embarrass or offend anyone. I would like to appeal your decision.

I wait. After a day or so, I get another mail.

 

Hi Ditte,

Thanks for contacting us.

Your ad has not been approved because the web address used in the ad does not comply with our policy about adult products.

We do not allow ads that promote or suggest any kind of sexual acts. This kind of ads result in negative emotions in our users, and we have zero tolerance to these advertisements. This policy also includes ads targeted to people over 18.

This decision is final, and further mails will not be answered.

 

The double standards of Facebook

 

I don’t know what’s the most appropriate reaction – laughing or crying? Feeling offended, or maybe proud to have stepped on the toes of the prissy American double standards? My book is an adult product promoting sexual pleasure. Shame on me (and everybody else who enjoys sex)!

So. Facebook supports the viewpoint that sex is for having babies, not for fun, wellness, closeness, intimacy… and so on.

So. You can advertise for contraceptives, but not for pleasure.

But wait… If you use contraception, you’re doing it for fun, pleasure and all the good feelings, right? And not for having babies?

Right?

Dear Mark Zuckerberg, please send me your address, and I will send you a copy of my book, completely free of charge. It’s called Sex after 50, and even if there are still some years left until your 50th birthday, I have a feeling that it would be a really good idea that you start preparing now. You see, people over 50 have sex for feeling good. Not for having babies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pelvic floor exercises? Isn’t that something for women…?

38312465_sWomen usually hear about pelvic floor exercises after a delivery. They are told that it’s a good thing to do to get in shape again and prevent leakage of urine in the future. But do you know how important those exercises are to your sex life?

The purpose of the exercises is to strengthen the muscles in the pelvic floor. They are shaped a little like a hammock and support your pelvic organs – bladder, uterus, bowel and vagina. In women, the vagina, the urethra and the rectum pass through the muscle. When the muscle contracts, those passages are closed and the pelvic organs lifted a little. A strong pelvic floor muscle gives you control when you urinate and pass gas. It also lets your vagina squeeze the penis during intercourse.

If you pelvic floor muscles are weak, your pelvic organs can begin to descend and bulge into the vagina, and you lose control af urine, gas and eventually stools. It’s embarrassing, and it can really hamper your sex life. Most people are repelled by the thought of passing urine or stools when they have sex – just being scared that it might happen destroys the pleasure. A lax pelvic floor also makes it more difficult to feel the penis during intercourse, and women with a weak pelvic floor are generally not very happy with their sex life.

So start exercising! Even if you haven’t done it in many years, it’s not too late to start.

How to do it? Imagine that you want to stop yourself from passing gas and squeeze the muscle around your anus as much as you can. When you do this, the rest of the pelvic floor muscle contracts too. Hold the contraction for five seconds. Relax for five seconds – and squeeze again. Do it 10 times in a row. You should do it every day or at least three times a week. And you know, muscles only get stronger when you force them to do a little more than they actually can, so put as much effort as you can in it. If you are not sure if you’re doing it right, you can put a finger in your vagina and feel the contraction of the muscles. You can also squeeze your partner’s penis during sex and if you’re doing it right, he will feel it.

What can you expect to get out of this exercise program? Only good things! Stronger muscles around your genitals means better blood circulation and sensitivity. It can help to moisten your vagina and give you more pleasure during sex. And, as a bonus, you will get better control over your bladder and bowel. So get going, and have fun!