To fake is human, to talk is divine

John and Jane are having sex, and Jane has decided to fake orgasm. Jane does not really feel like having sex tonight at all, but thinks ok, let him. A couple of days ago, he said something about how important sex was in a relationship. But right now, she’s not really up to a discussion about how often they should have sex. So she thinks: OK my friend, you get sex and I get peace.

He really makes an effort to make it fun: Different positions, licking her a little while, cuddling her breasts. But it’s not really any use, she just not in the mood tonight.

She also feels she’s getting dry and that doesn’t make it any better. It’s time to end the show.

So she grabs his hips and thrusts him harder into her. She opens her mouth, puts her head a little backwards with her eyes closed and breathes faster, makes the sounds she usually makes just before her orgasm, and then she ends it all with a loud “Ohh!” And then she relaxes. A few seconds later John comes.

“That was fantastic,” he says. “And was it good for you too, honey?”

He falls asleep quickly. After a couple of minutes, Jane sneaks under her own duvet and reaches out for the novel she’s currently reading.

A lot of people fake orgasm, especially women. Some do it every time they have sex, others only once in a while. But for what reasons?

You want to make your partner happy

Most fake for the sake of the partner. And that of course is a good motive, wanting to please your significant other. A good partner hopes that when you have sex, it should be great for both of you. Ideally, you should climax simultaneously, in a huge common climax. If you are unable to meet these expectations, you can pretend – and let your partner keep the image of her/himself as a fantastic bed buddy.

But although you motivation is good, it’s a really bad idea to fake in a permanent relationship.  You should be able to talk about things, including sex, shouldn’t you? Hasn’t Jane told John what he can do to make her orgasm? If she consistently fakes and they never talk about what she likes best, she may never get an orgasm with John. In the long run that could make their relation a sinking ship. Sex is so important to make love last and hold a relationship together, but it must be fun and wonderful and not something you just do out of duty.

But loving someone also means giving a gift sometimes. Just tell it as it is: “I don’t feel like it today, honey, but if you want to, I don’t mind giving you a good oral or whatever you’d like. Then it’s my turn another time.”

You try to turn yourself on

Some people hope that if they just get started, they will get so horny during the proces that they will reach climax. It’s sex life’s fake it till you make it. It’s actually not such a bad idea and it may very well work from time to time. If it is about focusing on and enhancing feelings you already have, it may work like some kind of training to get an orgasm.

You believe that everyone else has the wildest orgasms

Some people fake because they don’t know what’s normal. They believe that everyone else gets the most amazing orgasm after a maximum of five minutes of regular intercourse – so when they don’t live up to their own expectations, they’d better fake. They are afraid they will be seen as abnormal otherwise. Frigid was the word for it in the old days with a very negatively charged word, and that means cold. So in order to appear as sexy and sensual lovers or mistresses, they put on an act and add som extras to body language, sounds and movements.

This type of faking is not uncommon in one night stands, where the scene may not be set for a deep conversation about lusts and turn-offs.

You just want to sleep …

And then there are those who fake just to get it over with, like Jane. It’s just a little white lie that does not harm anyone, right? She could also just have said no and let John lay there with his lust until it disappeared, or he handled it himself. After all, it’s not a human right to get sex just because you want it – not even in a steady relationship.