Love is so great when it’s right. And it’s so terribly difficult when it’s wrong.
If you’ve tried it, you know how crazy you are when you have fallen in love. The brain doesn’t work in its normal mode, and neither does your heart! Your wonderful, glowing emotions are all that count – other feelings, choices and priorities – forget about them. When you’re really in love, you don’t feel pain, hunger or cravings as strongly as otherwise. You don’t sleep, you lose weight. You may put everything else in your life at stake, turn it upside down, lie, cheat and let people who trust you down, just to be with your beloved. He or she is on your mind 24/7 and you are quite unable to concentrate on other things.
And of course it has to be like that, because you just know that the one you love is something special, a truly fantastic person who is good and great throughout. All you see is this person’s amazing qualities, and any less flattering sides are forgotten. Your friends and relatives may not agree with you in this, but you don’t care. You are convinced that as they get to know your beloved, they will understand you.
And the object of your emotions, this unique woman or man, is the first one who ever saw you as the person you really are, a truly fantastic person who is good and great throughout…
If love is mutual, it becomes even stronger. To be allowed to be the one and only for someone as wonderful as your beloved heightens you too. You feel that you also are a great human being, who can do and achieve far more than you have before. It’s a second chance, and your loved one will make you grow, develop, and live a new and different life, better and more fulfilling than ever before.
Perhaps all this makes you extra vulnerable to falling in love when you’re about 40? The age when you discover that you’re standing in the middle of life, and begin to wonder if there’s nothing else to look forward to than the usual daily humdrum?
If something happens that keeps you away from your beloved, you become deeply frustrated. And if you get a hunch that the emotions of your chosen other are cooling off, or a rival turns up on the scene – there is simply no greater accident in the world. Suddenly, you can kill. Maybe the rival, maybe yourself. There’s a good reason that literature, music and film are often about those things. Our emotions are rarely stronger than in this situation.
Falling in love: With whom, where and how?
Most people fall in love with somebody they have known for a while. You need some time to discover how great that person is. It’s not that love at first sight doesn’t exist; it’s just not very common.
If you are looking for a love affair, you should search for a place or an atmosphere out of the ordinary. Somewhere exciting, maybe dangerous or dramatic in other ways. That makes it particularly easy to fall in love. And be a little mysterious! People love challenges, and having to make an effort to get to know somebody always makes it more enticing.
But remember to show some of your attractive traits: A reasonably good appearance is an asset, and I mean reasonably: Being too ugly isn’t attractive, but being too beautiful can actually scare people away because they feel that they’re not playing in your league at all. I believe that beauty is more important, the younger you are. Kindness, intelligence and humour are features that become more attractive as you get older (good for us!).
At some time, you will probably want to have sex with the person you’re in love with, but it’s actually not the most important thing. Love and sexual attraction are different feelings. What matters is to be together, to be seen, recognized and loved and feel close to this special person.
One more thing is important about falling in love: the first insane, headless phase will pass. Normally, it takes somewhere between 6 and 12 months. If your emotions then change into real love or just evaporate leaving curled toes and embarrassing memories, time will show. So have fun, while it lasts!